In my feeling and realness
I am trying so hard to be the
women you need but I have suspicions of you. I don't know if invest ing my love in you mean I will get a return. The problem is your vested in my heart. I don't show it. I'm good at hiding. I pull away because some how I can't erase this pain.
The moment I feel myself slipping under your spell I remember the days you lost yourself. I run top speed. I give you a hard time maybe you'll realize your worth that being in a cell isn't worth losing your girl, losing family and friends.
The pain still remains and it is why I give you a hard time. I KNOW YOU'VE CHANGED. I know you love me unconditionally. Know you would walk through a burning fire for me. I wish you could feel my love. I wish you could feel my psin of those nights of seeing you for doing wrong praying for you to do right.
You see I can't seem to shake you left me.
How you up and leave this beautiful relationship?
We where building, we where growing in love. I'm hurting we was suppose to , get marry and live happily after.
You took half of me with you in that cell.
Leaving me alone in this hell of being without me.
Why wasn't I good enough for you to stay free ?
I'm hurting baby.
I know it's been six long years I should have healed
My heart is full of fear of loving you because I'm tired of tears.
How you choose the life of crime over me?
This baffles me
Damn it I'm so angry
I gotta look at you in prison greens.
I wanna hold you.
Loving you was easy
You came home and broke every promise.
How can I heal missing you?
How can I stop worrying about you?
Locked away and I'm out here with out my man.
You promise to stay home.
I'm full of resentment.
I'm breaking this shit down cause I need to get this off my chest.
I need my soul to rest.
I need to forgive you.
I need to look you in the eyes and not cry.
I need to see my heart and know it is safe with you.
You told me to be real.
I love you and I want to know I won't go through this again.
I fear I lost you to thevthe system.
This is not how I envision your life behind steel bars.
I live with memories of seeing you in handcuffs. Broke me down I can't lie that day I lost faith in love.
I lost faith in you.
I put a block on my heart.
I'll always remember crying for days.
I'll always remember sitting waiting for you to come off the bus with the hope of freedom.
@2014 Tamyara Brown-Tamluvstowrite
Author Tamyara Brown
My love for writing is unconditional. It is my sanity in this crazy world.